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Day: June 3, 2019

Do I Have to Get Married?

There are many teens and  young adults who think that marriage is a cure-all for what ails them. They believe that they have to get married in order to really experience life. Some make marriage their only goal in life. However, neither being single nor being married makes  life easy, nor should singleness or the married state be regarded as our ultimate goal. Each has its own particular challenges, as well as blessings and opportunities to serve our Lord.

One day a young medical student was given a tour of the hospital where he would be training for the next two years. The resident led him into a small room where two men were sitting. Both were staring blankly at the wall. They were unshaven and very thin. Each had a look of desperation on their faces.

The young medical student mustered up his courage, went up to them and loudly asked, “How ya doing today?” Neither responded.

The medical student repeated his question, a little more loudly—“HOW YA DOING TODAY?”

Again, neither responded.

The medical student looked at the resident and asked, “What’s wrong with them?”

The resident replied, “The guy in bed number one was madly in love with this girl. She married another  guy and this fella never got over it.”

“And what about the other man?” the student asked.

“He’s the guy who got the girl.”

This story illustrates a very important point: Marriage won’t solve all of your problems, and being single won’t either.

The Christian’s Focus

In 1 Corinthians 7 the Apostle Paul writes by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit and gives needed counsel.

Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God. Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful. I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. Art thou bound unto a wife? Seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you. But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not, And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.  But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife (vss.23-33).

I have quoted this entire passage because it puts the whole issue of marriage, and many other legitimate institutions and pursuits, into proper perspective. “But this I say, brethren, the time is short”; and “they that use this world, as not abusing it.”

Several years ago I was living in Sacramento, California. One Sunday morning I left  early  to drive to a church about 150 miles to the south, where I was supposed to preach in the eleven a.m. service.

As the sun came up over the Sierra Mountains to the east, the sight was unbelievably spectacular. I had to pull over and just take in the sights. I always brought along my camera for such a moment and took a few pictures. The jagged peaks, some reaching up to 14,000 feet, were silhouetted by the sunlight with rays of yellow and orange made fiery by the alpine snow. I could have spent the whole day there—but didn’t. I was on a mission. I was scheduled to preach the Word of God.

There was nothing wrong with stopping for a while, or taking a few pictures—perfectly legitimate. And there is nothing wrong with marriage. But it is certainly not the end, and purpose of life.

And Then What?

Not too long ago I was talking to a young man who had been through college and he was just about finished with law school. He had life pretty well planned out. He had a bright future. He would probably get a high-paying job.

So I asked him, “What will you do after you graduate?”

He told me some of his plans for the future. It looked like he was going to be hired by a large law firm. He told me the kind of work that he would do.

So, I asked him, “And then what?”

He told me that he had a girlfriend. They were very serious. They would get married shortly.

So, I asked him, “And then what?”

He told me he and his wife would raise a family, have fun with the kids, go on vacations  and do a lot of neat things together.

“And then what?” I asked.

He looked at me and said, “Well, after I make a lot of money, we will buy a large house in the country. I would like to get a wooded piece of land with a nice pond on it. I can stock it with fish. I love fishing. Me, and my wife, and the kids—we can all go fishing.”

“And then what?” I asked.

“Well,” he said, “I will retire and do some travelling. I really want to go snorkeling in the South Pacific. Those coral reefs have lots of colorful fish.”

“And then what,” I asked.

He paused, and looked down. “I guess I’ll die.”

“And then what?”

Death, according to the Bible, is not the end of our existence. Every human being is immortal. That means, after death, everyone of us will spend eternity somewhere.

There is a place called “Heaven” and there is another place called “Hell.”

A person’s arrival at either one of these eternal destinations is neither automatic, nor is it necessary. God forces no one to go to Heaven, or to Hell. It’s a matter of personal choice.

When people reject the gift of eternal life, it is their choice—a bad one at that. When people accept the gift of eternal life, that is also their choice.

How about you? What choice do you make about eternity?

Toxic Faith

Is Toxic Faith Ruining Your Prophetic Witness and Destroying Your Marriage?

When toxic waste is allowed to seep into a river, that river is poisoned. Fish die, the water smells bad and right-minded people stay away. Unfortunately, toxic ideas often are allowed to seep into the River of Life and peoples’ faith becomes toxic—with pretty much the same disastrous results. It is faith that stinks.

Toxic faith is faith that brings self-righteousness and pride, restlessness and despair and often manifests itself in the harsh criticism of other Christians. Not all faith saves and not all faith pleases God. Even the demons have faith (James 2:19). Some faith is not that at all, but mere head knowledge. The Bible says that it is possible to believe “in vain,” i.e., “without fruit” (1 Cor. 15:2). Some faith is even “dead faith” (James 2:17).

Is toxic faith stealing your joy, and the joy of those around you, so that “the blessed hope” (Titus 2:13) no longer has the power and the appeal that it used to?

Christian Leadership and the Four P’s of Toxic Faith

Christians are often products of those whom they follow. This may be a pastor, or televangelist with a magnetic personality. Unfortunately, many leaders are characterized by the Four P’s of Toxic Faith:

  • Profit—The charlatan evangelist who is making “big bucks” by his/her “ministry.”
  • Power—The abusive religious figure who dominates others. This is the spirit of Antichrist.
  • Pleasure—The religious figure who justifies carnality on the basis of authority and takes advantage of women and children.
  • Prestige—“I am the anointed one. My miracles are more miraculous than yours.”

Tragic Headlines

  • A Baptist pastor and wife convicted in 2000 of abuse of a girl they received from an orphanage.
  • A headline from Louisiana of nude Pentecostals crashing into trees as they flee from Satan. They had pulled into a KOA campground and claimed that the contents of a large camper really belonged to them. The owner of the camper didn’t agree.
  • A 49-year-old faith healer threatens children with hellfire if they don’t have carnal relations with him.

These examples are extreme. Most do not practice their toxic faith in this way. That’s why these stories make the headlines. It is the very nature of reporting that sells papers to find extremes. Yet, these extremes highlight the Four P’s of Toxic Faith and help us discern toxic faith. These extremes are in seed form everywhere.

Manifestations of Toxic Faith (TF)

  • Compulsive religious activity. Those suffering from TF feel that they have to impress God with their religious sincerity. They also feel that they have to impress themselves and others. Some individuals are compulsive hand-washers. If they don’t wash repeatedly (even after just having washed their hands!) they are certain some horrible malady will overtake them. Compulsive religious activity is similar.
  • Impatience with others. “Why does it take you so long to mature in the faith?”
  • A following committed to a dynamic (albeit insane) leaderDavid Koresh, Jim Jones, Tony Alamo
  • “Bulletproof faith”—The belief that “if I have enough faith I will be protected from bad things happening to me and my family, and if bad things do happen it’s because of my lack of faith.”

Some of the teaching to which Christians are exposed produces toxic faith. Quite often this kind of “religion” can lead to abuse:

  • The Manipulative Religious Leader Who Is An Authority Figure—When life doesn’t work out as promised by some televangelist, the believer is taught to blame himself or herself. Sometimes God is blamed and the individual concludes, “God has let me down.”
  • False Guilt—“If you were a better Christian your kids wouldn’t be in trouble with the law.”
  • Spiritual Arrogance—“Look at those poor slobs; if they only obeyed God like I do they would be better of.”

Husbands, Wives, the Home, and Toxic Faith

Both husbands and wives exhibit TF. Men are perhaps more prone to become physically abusive, but women show the symptoms of TF when they nag, gripe, and complain. Intimacy is impossible in such a setting and leads to a host of other evils.

As the level of frustration grows in the home, the children sense that “something is wrong.” In a real sense, kids with parents exhibiting TF become “orphans.” They look for love in the wrong places and get a counterfeit. When their grades plummet and they get in trouble with the law, the TF of the parents makes healing and reconciliation impossible.

TF often holds hands with legalism. Keeping the rules becomes the main thing. The person’s worth is based on the person’s performance. Since yielded Christian behavior does not flourish in an atmosphere of TF, individuals become more depressed and filled with a sense of hopelessness. They are highly prone to believing hair-brained conspiracy theories and suffer from the-sky-is-falling syndrome.

Breaking Free

  • Christ, Our ExampleThere is nothing in the Bible that teaches us to repeatedly pray: “Lord, make me more like the Heavenly Father,” or “Lord, make me more like the Holy Spirit.” Christ is our example: “For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps” (1 Pet. 2:21). We should love as He loves (John 13:35), think as He thinks (Phil. 2:5), and walk as He walks (1 John 2:6). WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) is a good question to ask when challenged by people and circumstances.
  • An Active Attitude of Servanthood—It’s the pagans who exercise “lordship” and “authority,” but Jesus said “I am among you as he that serveth” (Luke 22:25, 27). It was this spirit of domination that was causing problems in the churches of Galatia, so Paul  counseled, “by love serve one another” (Gal. 5:13).
  • Respectful and RelationalReligious addicts manifesting the symptoms of TF abandon relationships claiming that God is all that matters. The “I-don’t-need-you” attitude is often a clear indicator of pride. But the more we love and honor God, the more we will love and honor one another. A TF system sees everything in terms of “them” and “us.” Devotees of this system see two groups. There is no middle ground. A toxic church or ministry fosters the mentality that everyone who is in the “them” group is a threat to Christianity. The “Us’s” usually flock around a ritual or pet doctrine around which they cluster like moths around a bulb. Those who don’t agree with the “Us” view of this pet doctrine become the “them.” It’s disgustingly divisive and misses Jesus. These religious addicts strive for conformity with the elite leader and the elite crowd formed by  other religious addicts manifesting the symptoms of TF. They often talk alike, dress alike, comb their hair alike, and express the same likes and dislikes. TF thinking is marked by the absence of personal convictions and the blind acceptance of someone else’s definition of what is right.
  • God-Reliant Rather Than Self-Reliant—“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13). Paul was not self-confident but Christ-confident.
  • GrowingNone of us has arrived yet but we are getting closer. Christian maturity doesn’t mean that we no longer have to grow.
  • Non-defensiveThose in the grips of TF see their system as sacred. Every threat to the system and their way of life is an attack on God (so they think), and such threats must be stamped out. To this end they write great dissertations and religious tomes that seek to demolish everyone else.

Those in a healthy faith walk with God refrain from defining all aspects of truth, including personal minutia, for others. Satan knows he can’t destroy the message of the cross so he tries to pervert it. TO AVOID SIN’S TRAGEDY, LEARN SATAN’S STRATEGY. Toxic Faith is one of his deadly weapons.

Popular Myths About Marriage

Those Left Behind: Did They Believe These Popular Myths About Marriage?

First Thessalonians 4–5 speak about future realities. Chapter 5:2 states:

For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night.

Then, in verse 8, we read:

But let us, who are of the day, be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation.

No doubt, we are not saved by having a good marriage, but the condition of our relationships—especially in the home—plays a large role in whether or not an individual is ready for that day. Being “Rapture-ready” means dwelling with our wives “according to knowledge” (1 Peter 3:7). For wives it means being as Sara, who “obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose daughters are ye as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement” (vs. 6).

Popular Myths About Marriage

A myth is a commonly-held belief that is wrong. Some myths can be harmless. Others can have destructive potential. Many people, for example, commonly believe that the drinking of alcoholic beverages during cold weather will help you keep warm. Hunters, hikers, and skiers sometimes believe this myth. But it’s not true, and it is a dangerous myth. Alcohol hastens the loss of body heat and can actually facilitate hypothermia.

That are several myths about marriage that are contributing to the dissolution of the home. They promote disappointment and unrealistic expectations that can never be met. Here are a few of those dangerous myths.

Marriage Will Make Me Happy. “Happiness,” as defined by the modern world, is some kind of a nice and pleasant experience, like being on a Caribbean island where the temperature is always right and the sea breezes lull you into a restful state. It’s a counterfeit term that glorifies irresponsibility and carefree living.

I knew a man who had just gotten a divorce. He said something like this: “God bless my dear ex-wife. She tried so hard. I gave that woman three of the best years of my life, hoping that she would learn to understand me, and make me happy, but she just didn’t have it in her.”

People who are under this delusion are those who think, “I have to find the right person to marry.” So, if the marriage is a little rough, the automatic response is: “This is not the right spouse for me.” They leave that marriage and move to another. The emphasis really needs to be “I have be the right person.”

Marriage was never intended to make anyone happy. If you are looking for happiness by finding the right person you are doomed to failure.

Children Are the Glue That Holds a Marriage Together. Children are wonderful and the Bible says having lots of children is like having a lot of arrows in your quiver (Ps. 127:4-5). But while children are a blessing from God, they will not hold a marriage together. The presence of children doesn’t solve marital problems. They often cause them. What does a child bring to marriage? A helpless, vulnerable, demanding little creature constantly requiring your attention.

The common denominator of these myths: “Someone else is responsible for making my marriage work. That “somebody else” often turns out to be God, spouse, and children—and we leave the most important person out of the picture: ourselves. We hold the key regarding the success or failure of our marriage.

Erroneous Preconceived Notions. Unbiblical preconceived notions about marriage can be a bummer. Some people enter marriage with a checklist and a timetable. If everything doesn’t happen exactly as anticipated, they want out. A key idea: learn to adapt.

There is a charming story of a couple who saved their money and adjusted their schedule so they could take a trip to Hawaii in the middle of the winter. They lived in one of the northern cities. They hoped to make their trip in February, which was a particularly cold and blustery month in their latitude.

They purchased their tickets, along with plenty of sunscreen, summer wear, and sandals. They loaded up on fine-grain color film for picture taking. They wanted to bring home plenty of pictures. “Waikiki, here we come!”

Finally, their day of departure arrived. They boarded their 747, and off they went. Several hours later, somewhere over the Canadian Rockies, the pilot announced that they were having mechanical problems and were going to have to land at Anchorage, Alaska. The pilot announced that it was forty below zero, and snowing hard. In an hour the airport would be closed. They had a brief “window” of opportunity for making a safe landing. Furthermore, the parts that they needed for the plane were not available. They would have to wait in Anchorage a couple of days for the parts to be delivered.

This couple was put up in a cozy lodge. It was at the edge of a windswept plateau. This couple had some choices to make. They could either don their summer clothing and tropical print shirts and maybe take a walk along the “beach”—in which case they would both die in ten minutes—or they could sit in front of the fireplace and make other plans. They could even give up the temptation to blame one another for taking this particular flight. Since they couldn’t find anyone with a grass skirt, they decided a change in plans was called for.

Marriage is sometimes like that. It can throw us some unexpected surprises. We don’t have the choice of surprises—they just come—but we can choose the attitude with which we will face those surprises.

For Christians knowing, and believing, that God is working all things together “for good to them that love God” (Rom. 8:28) can help us adjust and to even thank the Lord for the surprises of ife. We would be bored if there were no surprises and challenges in life.

Cherish Your Spouse

Jesus Is Coming: Love and Cherish Your Spouse!

Marital splits and squabbles could very well be one of the main reasons many Christians are not ready for the Rapture. If this sounds like an overstatement, just answer this question: Are Christian husbands and wives enjoying peace with God when they are at war with one another?

How does marital discontentment grow? Often when someone else’s spouse is cast in an idealized role by the person who is dissatisfied with their own marriage. Comparing your spouse with someone else’s is a journey into misery.

A discontented wife tells her husband, “My friend Mary Jo tells me that her husband always serves her breakfast in bed on Sunday mornings.” Of course, it is possible that Mary Jo’s husband does exactly that, but it is also possible that Mary Jo is saying that to make herself look good—she picked just the right man to be her husband. But the wife who tells her husband about Mary Jo’s husband needs to remember this: Even if Mary Jo’s husband does serve her breakfast in bed every Sunday, her husband may do ten other things that Mary Jo’s husband doesn’t do.

I used to pastor a church in the rolling hills of East Tennessee and drove an old Chevy truck. If I were to compare my truck with a fancy new sports car, the truck might not look too good. I might begin to complain about the faded paint job and about the rough ride and the different and sometimes strange noises that came from under the hood. I might complain about the rust spots and the extra squeaks and rattles that made it hard to listen to the radio.

Of course, a new sports car might have none of these “disadvantages.” But sound thinking would reveal that perhaps it was a skewered comparison. There were several things that the old truck would do that the sports car couldn’t. The truck was far better on dirt roads and hauling a load of firewood. I enjoyed more peace of mind driving the truck than if I had the sports car. Nobody would steal the old truck. I could park it at the mall and leave the keys in the ignition, but it was safe. Everyone steered clear from it.

I don’t mean to compare spouses with an old truck—that’s not the point– but the fact is the man, or woman, that we are married to probably has strengths and assets that we need, assets that we could not do without. That young lady in the office may be very attractive, but there is more to life than an attractive young lady.

Men and women often make comparisons between their spouses and someone else’s for the purpose of motivating by guilt. The message is: “Mary Jo’s husband is nice, but you are not. You ought to feel guilty about that and start treating me better.” Such is counterproductive and rarely, if ever, improves a marriage. Thank God for the spouse that you have and love him, or her, for Christ’s sake.

The Golconda diamond mine is known internationally. Some of the largest diamonds in the world have come from the Golconda. But there is an interesting legend that is built up around the mine that illustrates the point I am trying to make.

There was a man who lived many years ago by the name of Ali Hafed. He was by no means a poor man. He had a small farm and was doing quite well. One night he started to dream about diamonds. He believed that he could become very wealthy if he could find some diamonds. So, Ali Hafed sold his farm, took all his money, and decided to travel around the world in search of diamonds. He travelled far and near, exhausted all of his savings, but found no diamonds. He was fast becoming old and bitter, sadly disillusioned by his fruitless efforts. He was so brokenhearted and depressed that he walked into the ocean and was never seen again.

One day the new owner of Ali Hafed’s farm was watering his camel in the little stream that wound its way through the farm. As the camel was drinking, the new owner noticed a bright and shiny object at the bottom of the stream. The man reached into the water and found a huge diamond. He began to run his fingers through the sand on the bottom of the stream and found many more huge diamonds.

This is the legend that has come from antiquity with the discovery of one of the most productive diamond mines the world has ever known. The largest crown jewels come from the Golconda. Ali Hafed’s diamonds were under his feet—but he didn’t realize it. The moral of the story? Your marriage diamonds are in your own back yard. Don’t overlook them. Mine them.